Do you ever find yourself getting jealous because your crush is talking to other people or hanging out with and not really investing time into getting closer to you?
Let’s explore how to deal with those feelings of anger, and jealousy, and annoyance, and how to start getting closer to your crush so you don’t have to feel them anymore.
I think the problem that you might be running into is that you might be idealizing your crush. You feel like they’re not interested in anyone else. They don’t want to pursue anyone else or date them so that gives you the open field to pursue them and that’s a major mistake I think a lot of people run into.
You fantasize that no one else likes their crush. You think they have no major prospects so it can be kind of hard to hear that someone else likes them or even worse. Your crush likes someone else that’s not you. This is where those feelings really start to coalesce and start to truly get under your skin.
“Huh, my crush sure does like to text that person a lot.”
“Oh, so he’s going to walk her home after school, heh, no problem.”
“Why does she keep telling me she’s busy but she keeps posting pictures on social media with other guys?!”
Here’s the truth. Other people also like your crush. I know you don’t want to hear that, you don’t even want to think about that but if you start to feel like there is competition surrounding them. If you feel like other people are getting closer to your crush when that should be you, you need to step up.
The thing about stepping up though is recognizing what the real challenge is. It’s not you versus all these other people, it’s you versus yourself. How you feel and think about the situation, what you’re willing to do. How much you’re willing to put yourself out there. How honest and vulnerable and confident you’re going to be in the exchange with your crush. It’s easy to feel like you’re at a disadvantage here because other people seem to be smoothly be integrating with your crush a lot better.
- Have you tried actually asking them out?
- Have you tried walking up to them and talking to them when you see them in the hallways?
- Have you tried DMing them or asking them to video chat or just straight up telling them that you want to spend time with them one on one?
Making a move is definitely a better strategy than just waiting for the right moment or the right opportunity to actually start talking to them. You need to do it as soon as you can but what do you do in the meantime when you do see them interacting with other people, hanging out with other people, or even potentially flirting with them? How do you handle that?
This might sound a bit backward because you like this person and you want to go out with them but I think in the meantime you should still be pursuing other people. This is going to prevent you from falling into what’s called “oneitis” where you like one person and you’re only willing to pursue them. You only have eyes for them, you’re only thinking about them and you’re neglecting everyone else that you can potentially date and develop a stronger connection with. Sometimes you like someone so much that you become blinded to the idea that of pursuing anyone else. And when that happens, your happiness and your sadness become determined by whatever your crush decides to do.
“Hey, they’re not talking to anyone right now. Yea!”.
“And there they go giving that person a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Oh”.
Pursuing multiple people here is going to be beneficial for three simple reasons:
Reason #1: You’re going to be working on your dating skills.
You’re going to be getting better at flirting and texting and talking to someone so that’s a plus.
Reason #2: You’re going to start to feel more confident in your ability to approach someone.
The more you do it, the more you actually go for it, the easier it’s going to be to finally do it with your crush.
Reason #3: You’re going to start to compare.
A lot of times we like our crush because we’re just infatuated with them but as you meet more people you start to pick up on the skills you want to find in a partner and then it becomes easier to see if your crush aligns with that.
But at the end of the day, we’re human. We might still feel jealous or sad or angry seeing our crush with someone else so how do you manage? Well, I think the best thing that you can do is to find a healthy way to express your feelings.
That might mean taking up a skill like meditation and breathing exercises so that when you are feeling agitated and annoyed you can breathe to help center yourself and calm yourself down.
Or it might mean exercising. Getting super swole, putting on muscle, feeling good about the way that you look so that you can be more presentable to anyone else that you approach.
Or it might just mean finding a friend that you can open up to. Someone you can share your feelings with and talk about. Having a person there to support you is going to be crucial in these dark times where you’re jealous and angry and upset so find someone that you can talk to and share things with.
Jealousy is definitely something that takes time to work through so don’t beat yourself up if you’re still feeling those feelings right now. Everything is small steps.
On that note, I’ll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.