How To Get Your Crush To BREAK UP with Her Boyfriend (And Date YOU!)

If you like someone that is currently in a relationship that you know is not good for them you might be thinking, what can I do to break the two of them up so that that person can date me?

I’m gonna tell you exactly what you need to do.

If your crush is in a happy and healthy relationship don’t get involved. If they’re with a partner that looks after them, cares about them, and wants them to succeed don’t be that person that gets jealous and tries to stand in the way just because you want to go out with them. But if your crush is with someone that is bad and toxic, listen up.

Step #1: Don’t bad mouth their boyfriend

I know it might feel natural to you to try to tear that person down. To point out all their flaws and all the bad things that they do but you might actually be hurting your chances with your crush. Keep in mind that your crush is going out with this person which means that they like them. They want to get closer to them, they want to get to know them better and, they want to see how the two of them can succeed. You jumping in and constantly trashing that person is going to make your crush feel like they can’t talk to you, they can’t even be around you because you don’t understand how they feel. If your crush’s boyfriend is constantly doing bad things what you just never point it out? I think instead what you should focus on is talking about the things that your crush wants to see in a relationship. Focus on the positive things that they can aspire to and let them be the judge to decide whether or not that partner can live up to it.

Girl: I just don’t understand. He never responds to my texts he’s always missing my calls it’s like he just doesn’t ever want to talk to me.

Guy: That sounds incredibly annoying. It looks like you need a partner who’s going to be there for you, that’s going to listen to you, that’s going to actually respond to your messages from time to time.

Girl: Yeah I mean like is that too much to ask for? Like I just don’t even know if he can do that.

Step #2: Bring positivity into her life

Whenever you interact with her, joke around, tell stories, ask about other things going on that are making her happy. What this is going to do is disconnect you from the negative stuff that her boyfriend is bringing to the table. So, whenever she interacts with you she knows she’s going to have a good time and she’s going to want to seek that out more.

Guy: Hey what’s up? How’s everything going? You look a little down.

Girl: “Hey. I don’t know, I’m just kind of out of it. You know I feel like things aren’t good between me and my boyfriend and just every time I think about it or talk to him we just fight with each other.

Guy: I’m really sorry to hear that but tell you what, what you need right now is some positivity in your life so let’s let this be a good vibe zone let’s go get something to eat let’s go for a walk let’s just take your mind off of it and just do something fun.

Girl: Yeah okay, I think you’re right actually. I mean I just need to stop worrying so much and stop thinking about it. I need to just enjoy my life and have fun.

Step #3: Don’t become the sounding board for her bad relationship

Far too often guys think if I just hear her out and I’m there for her whenever she needs me, whenever she’s dealing with problems with her boyfriend I’m gonna maybe have a better chance. No, it’s not true. You’re gonna get friend-zoned. You might think that building that deep emotional connection with her while she’s dating someone else is gonna have her turn around and go “Why am I dating this bad guy when I should be dating this perfect person who’s been under my nose this entire time?” but it doesn’t really work like that, here’s why. Your crush will have a fight with their boyfriend and that leads them to open up to you once they open up to you and they’re vulnerable they’re gonna feel like you’re someone that they can trust someone that they can share personal deep information with. Now that they’ve kind of solidified you as that in their mind, if you turn around and ask them out and try to date them they’re going to think:

“Well hold on, this is the person that wants to date me so if the relationship there doesn’t work out I’m going to lose this close friend. I’m going to lose that person I could be vulnerable with so I’m not even gonna try to date them because that might mean losing the friendship that I really ultimately wanted and built with them.”

By becoming their bestie you eliminate the potential of you ever becoming one of their dating partners. Instead, try saying something like this:

Girl: I just don’t understand why he’s always posting pictures with other girls? It’s like he never wants to take a picture with me and even if he does he never posts that, like why?

Guy: Yeah, that’s pretty weird. I honestly don’t know why he’s doing that but tell you what enough about him because I don’t really got much to say about him. I’m more curious about you. Tell me more about you and your life. What else do you have going on? What else have you been up to?”

Girl: Yeah, I guess so. I mean me, I’ve just been working on my singing and doing TikTok and just dancing and stuff like that.

Guy: Really that’s freaking awesome! Tell me more about that. That sounds super super cool.

Step #4: Pursue other girls

This is going to prevent you from getting oneitis and is going to actually make you look dateable in your crush’s eyes. You might be thinking, if my crush sees me talking to other girls and interacting with them they’re gonna think that I’m not interested in them and that’s not what I want. Your crush is dating someone else right now so you might as well pursue other girls for a multitude of reasons:

  1. You’re practicing your flirting skills. You’re getting better at texting girls, talking to them, and approaching them which is a plus.
  2. You’re showing your crush that you have options. That there are other people that you want to get to know better. That you’re not going to be someone that’s going to follow behind her everywhere that she goes just waiting and hoping that she turns around to pat you on the head.
  3. Your crush actually gets to see you in somewhat of a romantic light. Even if it’s from a distance, they see that other people like you, that you are attractive, that you have the qualities that they may want in a partner that they’re not getting from their actual current partner right now.

Girl: Hey, I feel like we haven’t talked in so long. So what have you been up to?

Guy: Yeah I know, I mean I just been working on myself. Been practicing guitar, been kind of you know seeing different girls trying to see who I can best connect with. So far I haven’t really found anyone that really shares the same values as me, you know what I mean?

Girl: That’s so awesome! I didn’t even know you were dating other girls and stuff like that. Whoa, look at you! And yeah, I totally want to find someone that shares the same values… I mean, I mean I’m with someone that I think shares the same values but I totally get what you mean there.

Step #5: Don’t date your crush until they break up with their boyfriend

This is perhaps the most crucial step to follow. I know you may feel tempted to especially if they’re hitting on you and they’re getting to know you better and they’re starting to see this different side of you but set that boundary for yourself because you want to be respectful of their relationship even if you don’t agree with it. Let your crush see that if they break up with their boyfriend then you guys can pursue what you want to pursue. But until then, you gotta hold off. If you’re gonna date your crush you want it to be on clean grounds. You don’t want her to have lingering thoughts and feelings about an ex-boyfriend that they kind of screwed over or kind of didn’t break up with officially. You want things to kind of be solid from the start so setting that tone for yourself is also going to show your crush that you’re not someone who sneaks behind someone’s back to date them. You’re actually someone who put it out there and let your crush make that decision for themselves.

Girl: Honestly, I don’t know what it is about you but there’s something that’s just so different. Like you’re just super confident and sexy and like, yes I know I’m still dating that guy but I feel like I want to get to know you better.

Guy: You know what’s funny, I’ve been dating these other girls but I just never really felt that deep connection with them like I do with you. And I want to explore that more but you’re still dating that guy so I feel like we can’t move this forward until you break up with them. To me, that’s the most respectful thing I could do.

Girl: Yeah yeah, I totally agree with you. It’s just really complicated with me and him but I really do like you and I really do want to get to know you so you know what, I’m just going to text him. It’s over.

The best way to convince your crush to end their bad relationship and to start dating you isn’t my being jealous, it isn’t by being their bestie and it isn’t by being conniving or manipulative. It’s by being your best self. By flirting with your crush, by joking with them, by bringing positive vibes to the table whenever you interact, by not becoming their sounding board, and by working on yourself.

Showing your crush that you have options but you’re choosing them you wait for them to break up with their boyfriend so that you guys can move forward.

I’ll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.

Josh is an inspirational speaker, YouTuber, and author of the self-help book “Embracing The Awkward” for teens and young adults.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store