If you’re constantly finding yourself in the friend zone, chances are you’re making one of these five very crucial mistakes.
Getting out of the friend-zone is not an impossible task but the reason why a lot of guys stay in the friend-zone is that they keep making the same mistakes over and over with every girl they’re trying to pursue.
Mistake #1: Apologizing whenever you want to start a conversation with your crush.
You might go into it like this.
Guy: “Hey uh, I’m sorry to bother you but… I want to ask you a question but if it’s stupid just let me know… Hey, what’s up I’m sorry for wasting your time and I know this is probably a dumb thing to ask but are you free to hang out sometime?”.
If you’re starting that conversation already apologetic for even asking them for a bit of their time, they’re gonna notice that lack of confidence instantly. And once they start to notice that’s a repeated thing with you they’re gonna realize this isn’t the type of confident person that I wanna date. They’re pretty shy, they’re pretty timid. Maybe they like me but they’re never really gonna act on it.
Mistake #2: Talking to your crush about their dating life or about people that they like.
Look if you fall into that role of being their “bestie”, someone they can confide with and open up to about other guys then you’re never really going to take that slot as someone that they may potentially want to date because who are they going to talk to about who they like? If they like you then they can’t talk to you about it.
Girl: “Oh, you’re so sweet! You’re such a perfect guy… for some other girl of course.”
Guy: “Yeah, some other girl… but anyway is there anyone right now that you currently like?” “Oh yeah, lots of guys I plan on talking to you about.”
Mistake #3: You’re hesitating to make a move and flirt with them because you’re playing the long game.
Look, playing the long game, the idea of slowly I’m going to win them over and get them to like me just by showing them how awesome of a person I am doesn’t really work. At some point you need to start asking them out, to start making that move to make it appear that you like them otherwise they’re just going to assume that you don’t see them in that way they’re going to cast you off as a friend and then never look back at that decision.
Guy: “So um you want to go out sometime maybe just you and me?”
Girl: “Sure… Wait are you asking me out on like a date?”
Guy: “Oh oh no no no I I I meant more just as like like friends and stuff. In fact, you can invite your friends, I’ll even invite my friends. In fact, I won’t even be there. How about that?”
Mistake #4: You spring your romantic feelings on them out of nowhere.
Look, no one likes to be caught off guard and to find out that a person that they truly valued as a friend secretly harbored all these romantic feelings for them. What it ends up doing is creating major doubt between you and your crush. How can your crush trust you now know that you were never really honest with them? You liked them but you led them on to believe that you just saw them as a friend.
Guy: “I just want to say all these years that you’ve confided in me and opened up to me and shared personal things with me, I was there by your side because I actually liked you.”
Girl: “Huh, so you mean to tell me when I asked you if you liked me and you said you were just my friend and that’s all you wanted to be you were actually lying?”
Guy: “Well I wasn’t lying because I wanted to hurt you, I just wanted to get closer to you and I felt like being a friend was the only way I can do that.”
Girl: “Okay, so all those times you offered to help me out and to be there to listen to me when I had to open up and share something you just did it because you liked me and not because you wanted to really be my friend? How can I ever trust you again?”
Guy: “Well I mean you could still trust me I’m okay with just being friends. No, I’m not. I like you but I’m okay with just being friends… I’ll just do it myself.”
Mistake #5: Staying friends after you’ve been rejected.
Look if you like this person, going back into that friend role is not gonna suddenly help you increase the chances of actually dating them. I think a lot of guys default to just being friends out of pure safety. They don’t want to lose their crush from their life so they take the lowest hanging fruit, anything they can just to be around them. The problem with this is that you need that space and distance to grow as a person. To develop on your own, to date other people so you can gain that experience so in the future when you talk to your crush again you’ll be super confident and ready to actually ask them out.
Girl: “You’re like a brother to me. I just can’t even imagine something like that happening, but I think we should just remain friends. Is that okay?”
Guy: “No. No, I can’t do that to myself. Friends don’t box each other in and I know I’m only going to be hurting myself by just taking that role of being just your friend. I want something more and if we can’t develop that then I don’t think I can be as close to you as I am. Look if I see around I’m going to say hi. I’ll be nice but we can’t maintain what we once had. We have to go our separate ways.”
Just like I said before, getting out of the friend zone is totally possible. But it is going to require you to make that hard decision of moving on from that person. If you stay in the same place that you are then they’re never going to notice the growth and change that you’re making. It’s only going to be that space and time of distance from each other that allows them to look up to you one day and finally say…
Girl: “Wow, there’s something so different about him now. He just seems so confident in himself, that’s like super attractive. I think I actually want to talk to him again now.”
I’ll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.